RevPit 10 Queries

As part of the RevPit, I love giving back to the writing community with my fellow editors and providing all the tips, tricks, and advice! Below is my feedback based on my first impressions of the authors' queries and first five pages. 

Here is a key: 

• A: Adult
• MG: Middle grade
• YA: Young Adult
• CM: Cozy mystery
• F: Fantasy
• H: Horror
• HF: Historical Fiction
• PR: Paranormal Romance
• R: Romance
• SPF: Speculative fiction

Q1: YA RomCom. This concept is :heart_eyes: with a great hook but gets a little too in the weeds re: the plot. Focus on big picture and save the specific details for the synopsis/pages! 

P1: Great voice for YA and this genre. Strong pages that immediately set the tone for the story, and background information is skillfully woven in without losing plot momentum. 

Q2: A H. Pitched as “gothic” horror, this doesn’t quite fit the bill for that subgenre. It’s okay to simply pitch as horror. Query runs a bit long in the intro. It’s effective to keep your query intros short and hook-y. 

P2: Not getting a very strong sense of the “before” here, as the inciting incident happens right at the end of chapter 1. With H, I want more moodiness, atmosphere, and tension, and the pace was moving too quickly to build tension. 

Q3: A R. Fresh concept and take on romance, but story details a little muddled here and there. It’s helpful to have someone read your query who hasn’t read your book to be sure that you include just enough to tease. 

P3: Natural voice and good introduction to MC. Flirty banter with love interest has me making heart eyes at the love interest as well—this means you’ve got your reader invested! 

Q4: YA SPF. Starts with a great one-liner hook. Multiple timelines in this book, and the details are a little hazy on which timeline is which in the query, and so I’m missing stakes due to confusion. Keep as simple and straightforward as possible in the query. 

P4: Voice feels a little old for YA, and depending on the timeline we spend the most time in and the themes focused on, this might be better pitched as an A project instead. Evaluate comps to see where this might fit into the market. 

Q5: A CM. Great voice in the query letter that doesn’t come off as gimmicky but rather promises personality in the pages. Some stakes are lost in the query due to a few confusing points. Queries should be all about the stakes and showing the tension. 

P5: Opening has a bit too much telling and not enough showing. It’s feeling backstory-heavy, which takes us out o the plot and lessens tension. Reveal backstory as it’s necessary, and you don’t need to do it all up front. 

Q6: MG SPF. Conflict on conflict on conflict. I want to know about the conflict in the query, but stick to the main conflict and save the subplots for the pages. Focus on the stakes of the main conflict and build that tension up, leaving the rest for the pages. 

P6: Voice feels a little mature for traditional MG, but that’s okay! MG readers are at many different reading levels, so this will be down to personal preference. Great concept and pages clarify some of the conflict confusion in the query. 

Q7: MG HF. Query running a little short (aim for around 300 words), and the plot details feel a little sparse. While we don’t want to overdo it, give enough details so that we know the stakes of the story and feel invested in the MC. 

P7: Too much telling and not enough showing and so the reader doesn’t feel invested in the MC or their conflict. Help us get to know the MC in the opening pages by SHOWING us their personality via their interactions with the world. 

Q8: A F. Concept is fire, but conflict is confusing. World needs a bit more context so that the stakes make more sense and more investment in MC. Hard to do with high fantasy, so keep it simple and focused. 

P8: Gorgeous writing! Good showing of magic and lush world building that is shown rather than told, making the story very immersive right from the beginning. 

Q9: YA R. This is a little out of the ordinary from a traditional query format, but it’s highly effective. Good balance of romance and more serious themes. No comp titles, which are good to include to show that you know how your book fits into the market. 

P9: VOICE. FOR. DAYS. Really effective use of mood and tone to support this part of the MC’s more tragic backstory. Makes reader feel very close to MC right from the beginning and highly invested. 

Q10: A PR. Concept and story feel very fresh. Some plot confusion which lessens the stakes of the conflict. Remember, lower stakes equal lower tension, and we want ALL the tension in a query! #

P10: Voice drips right off the page. Good use of deep POV, great showing of emotion, and wonderfully close narration. I already have a crush on the love interest.